making friends with food

So, tonight I'll be packing my books, p.j.'s, and personals for a week-long, all-inclusive trip to the Hirakata Hospital in Osaka, Japan. My trip is packed with a few tests which names end with the word: 'scope!' Yes, it's a week of invasive testing with the hopes of finding out what my guts are trying to tell me.
Today is a day of many preparations, but perhaps the most unforgettable preparation of the day is to eat the 3 meals of powdered/mush food given to me by the hospital before the first exam tomorrow. I just had the first meal of rice porridge, powdered egg, and powdered miso soup. Nasty... I am quite picky about certain textures of food....so it's been a roller coaster ride of gag reflex with this meal! The food is very salty, and once boiling water is poured over these 'foods,' a jelly-like texture emerges. Water and tea chasers are saving me from this traumatic food experience!
The three meals and snack are packaged in a delightful box entitled: 'Enimaclin.' There are 4 photos of each meal on one side of the box. Each photo shows a nice presentation of each meal. Lovely dishes filled with 'food'...a different place mat for each meal...even color-coordinated floral arrangements. It nearly distracts or camouflages the fact that the food tastes like a mouth-full of seawater, and already digested food!
Beyond the food though, I feel better about staying in the hospital for 1 week. Given the nature of these tests, I wouldn't feel comfortable traveling back and forth over the course of a week. Besides, it will give me time to read and maybe (if I'm not too stubborn) I will find some space to listen to myself, and to reflect upon this whole thing.

hit in the gut!

Okay so....it's been quite a whirlwind of events this past month. Maui was lovely as ever however, I became ill midway through our trip. 1month and 1/2 later the pain persists in my lower left and right abdomen. I'll just say it.... 'My guts hurt!' So, the doc presumes that I may have either a lesion or adhesion in my small intestine. Ahh guts....such an unknown and mysterious territory, yet they scream at us from time to time forcing us to listen to what it is that they need. It's very ironic that the past year or two I have been learning to explore my center (gut area) in ways that are related to pilates, my emotional response to past and present experiences, and the relationship that our physical center has to the earth. Hmmmm....

For ages I have been using my center to hold onto things. Emotions which range from love to hate, tension related to everyday life or the past, putting pressure on myself to always know the answer, etc...blah, blah, blah... Through the work that I have done, I realize that my gut holds a lot of....pardon my french and pun....CRAP! And now, it is showing me and guiding me to sit still and check out the piece of work that I have created. Whether it be a pilates 'hundred' or an unreconciled past event, I need to let go and listen ever more closely to my body. I need to listen with elephant ears.

Not having all the answers at this point is quite a challenge, but I am trying to look at all of this as an experience which brings me closer to a life which will eventually give me a certain type of freedom that knowing it all is not having it all.