So, tonight I'll be packing my books, p.j.'s, and personals for a week-long, all-inclusive trip to the Hirakata Hospital in Osaka, Japan. My trip is packed with a few tests which names end with the word: 'scope!' Yes, it's a week of invasive testing with the hopes of finding out what my guts are trying to tell me.
Today is a day of many preparations, but perhaps the most unforgettable preparation of the day is to eat the 3 meals of powdered/mush food given to me by the hospital before the first exam tomorrow. I just had the first meal of rice porridge, powdered egg, and powdered miso soup. Nasty... I am quite picky about certain textures of food....so it's been a roller coaster ride of gag reflex with this meal! The food is very salty, and once boiling water is poured over these 'foods,' a jelly-like texture emerges. Water and tea chasers are saving me from this traumatic food experience!
The three meals and snack are packaged in a delightful box entitled: 'Enimaclin.' There are 4 photos of each meal on one side of the box. Each photo shows a nice presentation of each meal. Lovely dishes filled with 'food'...a different place mat for each meal...even color-coordinated floral arrangements. It nearly distracts or camouflages the fact that the food tastes like a mouth-full of seawater, and already digested food!
Beyond the food though, I feel better about staying in the hospital for 1 week. Given the nature of these tests, I wouldn't feel comfortable traveling back and forth over the course of a week. Besides, it will give me time to read and maybe (if I'm not too stubborn) I will find some space to listen to myself, and to reflect upon this whole thing.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
hit in the gut!
Okay so....it's been quite a whirlwind of events this past month. Maui was lovely as ever however, I became ill midway through our trip. 1month and 1/2 later the pain persists in my lower left and right abdomen. I'll just say it.... 'My guts hurt!' So, the doc presumes that I may have either a lesion or adhesion in my small intestine. Ahh guts....such an unknown and mysterious territory, yet they scream at us from time to time forcing us to listen to what it is that they need. It's very ironic that the past year or two I have been learning to explore my center (gut area) in ways that are related to pilates, my emotional response to past and present experiences, and the relationship that our physical center has to the earth. Hmmmm....
For ages I have been using my center to hold onto things. Emotions which range from love to hate, tension related to everyday life or the past, putting pressure on myself to always know the answer, etc...blah, blah, blah... Through the work that I have done, I realize that my gut holds a lot of....pardon my french and pun....CRAP! And now, it is showing me and guiding me to sit still and check out the piece of work that I have created. Whether it be a pilates 'hundred' or an unreconciled past event, I need to let go and listen ever more closely to my body. I need to listen with elephant ears.
Not having all the answers at this point is quite a challenge, but I am trying to look at all of this as an experience which brings me closer to a life which will eventually give me a certain type of freedom that knowing it all is not having it all.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Lucy and Ricky
Last night we tried Casino Rueda! So much fun! It's a cross between square dancing and cuban salsa. The salsa moves are called out (in Spanish), while changing to various partners in a circle. We heard about it through '40's' volley ball buddy, and decided to be daring on this island that has been constantly unfolding its secrets to us. So we traveled up (and i mean, up) this curvy road with only the final bits of sunshine from the day to light our way...found the house address, drove down a long, narrow, dirt road driveway, dodged chickens and roosters, passed a cow....and naturally found the dance studio.
14 people maybe? 11 of which had been taking these classes for some time. Oh, how I love the diversity of spirits that show up for these types of classes. We had some fun with it. When we weren't laughing at one another we were counting to ourselves, with furrowed brows, and pursed lips. Took the sexy right outa' salsa...I'll say that.
Really though, it felt great to be tossed around!
14 people maybe? 11 of which had been taking these classes for some time. Oh, how I love the diversity of spirits that show up for these types of classes. We had some fun with it. When we weren't laughing at one another we were counting to ourselves, with furrowed brows, and pursed lips. Took the sexy right outa' salsa...I'll say that.
Really though, it felt great to be tossed around!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Once a student....Always a student
I took a great dance stretch class yesterday at The Studio Maui, in Haiku. It felt great to learn new ways to stretch the body, ask questions, and to be challenged as a student. In Kyoto, I am often teaching and rarely take the time to be a student. When I am able to take a class in Japan, I am faced with the language barrier. It has its up and down side. On the up-side I learn based on truly living inside my body. If I am learning something that causes discomfort to my body, I learn how to correct it on my own. It causes me to listen to everything my body says to me. It's the language that I can understand clearly. On the down-side, I don't have a clear "take" of the teacher, and rely only on the vibe of the teacher.
Teaching any type of movement is so much more than "5,6,7,8" or "inhale, exhale" "demi plie' or grand plie'." In my experience it's been about listening to and observing a student's needs. Taking a dance or movement-related class (especially for the first time) can bring out so many vulnerabilities. As a teacher, I think it's important to recognize where a student "is" in their experience while taking the class. There is a kind of intimacy, compassion, and honesty that a teacher needs to have in order to hear the message that a student gives when learning movement. Movement and learning movement, opens up a colorful channel of emotions that sometimes beg to come out. It brings out the past, present and future. It sharpens the body's sense of intelligence, and awareness. It opens up all kinds of possibilities and accomplishments. I could go on and on, but what it really comes down to is that when you put yourself in a new experience of dance/movement you put yourself out there. Once you're out there, you have the opportunity to explore they way you deal with the challenges and pleasure of expression.
I think good teachers teach the class agenda. Great teachers see themselves in each student and bring challenge based on comfort and capability, compassion, creativity, flexibility, and are in tune with each moment of the class from beginning to end. They are self-less, inspirational, and naturally love to share.
While I am here, I look forward to observing these qualities or others of teachers in Maui.
Teaching any type of movement is so much more than "5,6,7,8" or "inhale, exhale" "demi plie' or grand plie'." In my experience it's been about listening to and observing a student's needs. Taking a dance or movement-related class (especially for the first time) can bring out so many vulnerabilities. As a teacher, I think it's important to recognize where a student "is" in their experience while taking the class. There is a kind of intimacy, compassion, and honesty that a teacher needs to have in order to hear the message that a student gives when learning movement. Movement and learning movement, opens up a colorful channel of emotions that sometimes beg to come out. It brings out the past, present and future. It sharpens the body's sense of intelligence, and awareness. It opens up all kinds of possibilities and accomplishments. I could go on and on, but what it really comes down to is that when you put yourself in a new experience of dance/movement you put yourself out there. Once you're out there, you have the opportunity to explore they way you deal with the challenges and pleasure of expression.
I think good teachers teach the class agenda. Great teachers see themselves in each student and bring challenge based on comfort and capability, compassion, creativity, flexibility, and are in tune with each moment of the class from beginning to end. They are self-less, inspirational, and naturally love to share.
While I am here, I look forward to observing these qualities or others of teachers in Maui.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
A Few Sides of Me
We are staying in Maui for a month. Nearly 4 years ago, while vacationing in Maui, we were introduced to a local couple who own 3 different vacation rentals which all sit peacefully on acres and acres of tropical land. The land is surrounded by giant hibiscus and orange blossom trees, banana, avocado, orange, lime, star fruit, guava, and, of course, swaying palm trees. Birds are chirping, roosters, and chickens are seeking food....It's full-on sensory awareness! Everything has a voice...and all is heard in its own unique way! Believe me...
M and I are a couple of kids when we arrive at this place. Me: "Okay, first thing we have to do is explore the grounds for limes, oranges, and avocados. Then we make our way up the hill to the house, we make our fruit drink. Then, we....." And I go on, and on, and on.
M: "Okay, first thing we should do is go to flatbread pizza company for dinner, then we go to Mana foods for groceries. Remember that salad dressing that we bought last year...gotta get that. Oh yeah...and mint rice dream....." And he goes on, and on, and on.
We get a kick out of each other. In Kyoto, we have a limited amount of organic produce, meat substitutes, and healthy snacks. So, when we go to the states we have a bit of a food orgy..........um...daily.
Apart from finding my voice in new foods, I come here in search of new inspiration. I am a quirky aquarius, who loves to be challenged by things that are beyond the norm. I love to push limits. So, it makes sense for me to be in an enivironment that helps me to stay centered, but then also surrounds me with innovation, and expressive people. The balance of the two are keys to my sanity! Paia, Maui lends this balance to me.
Paia is a small area of Maui, with loads of character. On a superficial level, women who surround this area have a sort of mermaid-esque type look, while men have that dusty brown tan-look. You're seein fun hairstyles, or basic hairstyles, shoes, or no-shoes, pregnant bellies, voluptuous bodies, bodies with 0% body fat, etc, etc. It's all out there in the open.....everyone havin their voice in any way that is possible. Taking it in helps me to connect to my own freedom and character.
The ocean, trees, sand, and heat guide me to my center. Guiding me to be vast, open, calm, flexible, and passionate to new ideas. The mountains, waterfalls, and volcanoes call me to movement, strength, perserverance, history, and spirituality.
So,traveling within me is: the hyper-active kid, the rebelious teenager, the floundering adult, and the inquisitive quirky aquarian ready for whatever is next! So happy to be home!
M and I are a couple of kids when we arrive at this place. Me: "Okay, first thing we have to do is explore the grounds for limes, oranges, and avocados. Then we make our way up the hill to the house, we make our fruit drink. Then, we....." And I go on, and on, and on.
M: "Okay, first thing we should do is go to flatbread pizza company for dinner, then we go to Mana foods for groceries. Remember that salad dressing that we bought last year...gotta get that. Oh yeah...and mint rice dream....." And he goes on, and on, and on.
We get a kick out of each other. In Kyoto, we have a limited amount of organic produce, meat substitutes, and healthy snacks. So, when we go to the states we have a bit of a food orgy..........um...daily.
Apart from finding my voice in new foods, I come here in search of new inspiration. I am a quirky aquarius, who loves to be challenged by things that are beyond the norm. I love to push limits. So, it makes sense for me to be in an enivironment that helps me to stay centered, but then also surrounds me with innovation, and expressive people. The balance of the two are keys to my sanity! Paia, Maui lends this balance to me.
Paia is a small area of Maui, with loads of character. On a superficial level, women who surround this area have a sort of mermaid-esque type look, while men have that dusty brown tan-look. You're seein fun hairstyles, or basic hairstyles, shoes, or no-shoes, pregnant bellies, voluptuous bodies, bodies with 0% body fat, etc, etc. It's all out there in the open.....everyone havin their voice in any way that is possible. Taking it in helps me to connect to my own freedom and character.
The ocean, trees, sand, and heat guide me to my center. Guiding me to be vast, open, calm, flexible, and passionate to new ideas. The mountains, waterfalls, and volcanoes call me to movement, strength, perserverance, history, and spirituality.
So,traveling within me is: the hyper-active kid, the rebelious teenager, the floundering adult, and the inquisitive quirky aquarian ready for whatever is next! So happy to be home!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The Boss
So, lately I have experienced a series of Tony Soprano moments. If you've ever watched this series before, Tony (mob-father), every so often comes across a family of ducks and is touched by the purity of their connection to one another. I interpret this scene as a reminder of what lives inside us all, but what we often forget is there.
Tony moments often happen when I am at a crossroads in life, or when I am not able to sit still. Lately, I have been faced with multiple crossroads and have felt so far away from the stillness that I long for. Cue Tony moment. Instead of ducks, I come across a family of deer. It started about a year ago. Sometimes when G and I go for a walk, I'll see this family eating together, and while I observe this scene, I can find my breath again. I am focused, touched, and living in each moment. The doe and I manage to make eye contact with one another every time. It's as if her contact with me forces an invaluable silent lesson. In these moments, I am closer to the earth, closer to innocence, and humbled. Who knows, maybe this Tony moment is also connected to my longing for a family of my own.
Now for the silly part of this entry. Not too long ago, I was invited to a friend's birthday. She rented an old Machia (a type of traditional space). She asked everyone to bring a dish to pass. There were about 15-20 women at the party. So, I am sitting with the others at a table full of food. I heard a sudden burst of awe, and looked to see what was up. One of the women brought a beautifully arranged plate of some type of sashimi. Only it wasn't your standard sashimi, it was venison sashimi. "What is it?" I said. In an excited burst..."Dee-ahh!" they said. "Dee-ahh, Dee-ahh, Dee-ahh, what's dee-ah? I thought. "Oh...oh my.....it's deer." I thought.
Now, I am not a fan of red meat in general; and based on this experience with ma-doe soprano, I couldn't partake in the delight of this dish. What's worse, is that this plate of raw venison was passed in front of me several times, and would often end up set down in front of me. "Pass the dee-ah,please" "More dee-ah, please" "Oishii, desho?" "mmm-mmm."
Two days after the party, I ran into Ma-doe again eating with her family.
Tony moments often happen when I am at a crossroads in life, or when I am not able to sit still. Lately, I have been faced with multiple crossroads and have felt so far away from the stillness that I long for. Cue Tony moment. Instead of ducks, I come across a family of deer. It started about a year ago. Sometimes when G and I go for a walk, I'll see this family eating together, and while I observe this scene, I can find my breath again. I am focused, touched, and living in each moment. The doe and I manage to make eye contact with one another every time. It's as if her contact with me forces an invaluable silent lesson. In these moments, I am closer to the earth, closer to innocence, and humbled. Who knows, maybe this Tony moment is also connected to my longing for a family of my own.
Now for the silly part of this entry. Not too long ago, I was invited to a friend's birthday. She rented an old Machia (a type of traditional space). She asked everyone to bring a dish to pass. There were about 15-20 women at the party. So, I am sitting with the others at a table full of food. I heard a sudden burst of awe, and looked to see what was up. One of the women brought a beautifully arranged plate of some type of sashimi. Only it wasn't your standard sashimi, it was venison sashimi. "What is it?" I said. In an excited burst..."Dee-ahh!" they said. "Dee-ahh, Dee-ahh, Dee-ahh, what's dee-ah? I thought. "Oh...oh my.....it's deer." I thought.
Now, I am not a fan of red meat in general; and based on this experience with ma-doe soprano, I couldn't partake in the delight of this dish. What's worse, is that this plate of raw venison was passed in front of me several times, and would often end up set down in front of me. "Pass the dee-ah,please" "More dee-ah, please" "Oishii, desho?" "mmm-mmm."
Two days after the party, I ran into Ma-doe again eating with her family.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Kyoto's little secret
New Year's eve was beautiful. We had plans to go to Shimogamo Shrine, which is a 20 minute bike ride from our house. In Japan, it's pretty common to visit a shrine or temple on New Year's eve. Visiting one or the other usually entails: praying, and/or standing outside in a long line to ring the new year bell with well wishes for the new year. The beauty of it all, is that it takes place outside. Kyoto is filled with temples and shrines tucked away in mountains or hillsides. The views are breath-taking. It's peaceful, and a wonderful way to connect with nature. I never get sick of it.
So, the thing about Kyoto is that it has this way of unfolding its' beauty before you, in ways that come from your own spontaneity. I have had the most amazing experiences here when I just let go of my "plans" and allow Kyoto to give me its' plan. So much of this insight comes from the mountains, rivers, gardens, shrines, temples, and its' tranquility. It has been such a gift to discover, and explore.
So, back to New Year's eve......We cycled for about 5 of the 20 minutes and realized that we had no desire to go the rest of the way in freezing temperatures, and decided to go to one of the local shrines. After we parked our bikes, we began up the hill to the stone steps leading to the main shrine. Along the way, the stars were bright and the path was candle-lit. It was super quiet, and I really felt like I could be with each moment. As we reached the top, we could hear a distant gong ringing. We decided to follow the sounds and moved down a dark path in the mountain and ended up at a temple with a gathering of people standing around a fire, waiting in a short line ready to ring the new year bell. The sights and sounds of it all were so magical. Watching and being a part of this small community of people anxiously awaiting to ring in the new year with wishes or prayers for a positive new year, felt...so connected, so intimate, so strong.
Kyoto showed us its' magic once again.
So, the thing about Kyoto is that it has this way of unfolding its' beauty before you, in ways that come from your own spontaneity. I have had the most amazing experiences here when I just let go of my "plans" and allow Kyoto to give me its' plan. So much of this insight comes from the mountains, rivers, gardens, shrines, temples, and its' tranquility. It has been such a gift to discover, and explore.
So, back to New Year's eve......We cycled for about 5 of the 20 minutes and realized that we had no desire to go the rest of the way in freezing temperatures, and decided to go to one of the local shrines. After we parked our bikes, we began up the hill to the stone steps leading to the main shrine. Along the way, the stars were bright and the path was candle-lit. It was super quiet, and I really felt like I could be with each moment. As we reached the top, we could hear a distant gong ringing. We decided to follow the sounds and moved down a dark path in the mountain and ended up at a temple with a gathering of people standing around a fire, waiting in a short line ready to ring the new year bell. The sights and sounds of it all were so magical. Watching and being a part of this small community of people anxiously awaiting to ring in the new year with wishes or prayers for a positive new year, felt...so connected, so intimate, so strong.
Kyoto showed us its' magic once again.
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